her rally later fell completely apart when she was asked to lead the crowd in the chant of “U-S-A!”

Pick 1: Last place
Pick 2: DEAD!

I have studied the horses and I’m telling you one of these horses will win the derby. They are both not favored to win and would pay well if one was to wager.

I am choosing the philly #5 Eight Belles at 20-1 or #14 Monba at 15-1. Monba is a strong horse and my sentimental favorite. I used to go to the track with my Dad and my uncle every now and then and we always rooted for the grey or roan horse. To this day I always bet the grey horse. Something about the George Harrison fan in me or perhaps the way I always root for the underdog…But I am literally choosing the dark horse. Monba is a horse that stays even and toughs it out. He will not make a late break but will probably tough it out. If I had to pick another one I would pick Eight Belles. A philly has not won the derby in years but I watched a few of her races and she explodes down the back stretch.

MONBA

EIGHT BELLES

You heard it here first.

Post time at 6:04!

I’m home after a lot of travel. I got some great emails from students and teachers that were really affected by the show that have really encouraged me. I already believe in my show. I already believe in myself. I’ve always believed in the power of art to reach us and change us. But its nice to hear it from your audience. So to all who wrote me recently thank you.

To all who have called or emailed about booking a show I will get back to you as soon as I get some rest.

One more thing. I was thinkin….you know when you get home and you just want to veg out on the couch and watch TV? Ya know how hard it is to find a decent show or channel amidst the 300 we all have on our cable system? Well I have a solution. I am going to start my own channel. It will be 24 hours a day/7 days a week of a constant loop of the following commercial.

Today, I’m in Greensburg, Indiana. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. Ya know…The tree tower? Oh you never heard? Well allow me to paste this information below from the official Decatur County web site.

Greensburg, Indiana, occupies a unique place among the cities of the world by reason of trees that are growing from the roof of its courthouse tower.

Early in the 1870’s, our citizens noticed what seemed to be a small sprig growing on the northwest corner of the courthouse tower. During frequent observations it became evident that what at first caused little comment was gaining in height, and it began to attract the attention of additional observers.

As time passed and the shrub continued to grow, those who had watched its growth became convinced that it was destined to become a freak of nature in the form of a small tree that, somehow had taken root in the crevices of the roof on the on the tower.

Later on it was observed that other sprouts were springing up at different places until finally five were counted, making a small grove growing at an altitude of 110 feet above the courthouse yard below.

County and courthouse officials became alarmed lest so many trees might cause permanent damage to the tower roof, so in 1888 a steeplejack was employed to ascend the building and remove some of the shrubs. Of the two left standing, one attained a height of about fifteen feet with a diameter of almost five inches at its base. This tree continued to weather the storms of the different seasons for many years. Finally it died and was removed to a place in the Decatur County Historical Society Museum.

In the meantime, however, another tree had made its appearance on the southeast corner of the tower which now seemed to take on renewed vigor and in a few years grew to a considerable height. While it was maturing another and final growth sprang up on the southwest corner resulting in the two trees that continued to maintain the fame of our county courthouse that has endured for over a century.

During the spring and summer months, when other trees are coming out in full leaf, these two, growths from their lofty heights also put forth their foliage, presenting one of nature’s freaks and making it worthwhile to drive out of your way to see.

Tourists and others from nearly every state in the Union have come to Greensburg to take a look at our famous courthouse tower trees, stories about which have been carried in many newspapers and magazines and in periodicals of foreign countries as well.

For a long time the species of the tree to which our tower tree belongs was not definitely known. Some thought they were linden, others that they were of the silver poplar variety. Finally, the Smithsonian Institute of Washington, DC, was called upon for a scientific classification. Their decision was that they are of the large tooth aspen variety.

That solved the uncertainty at the time, but information provided by more contemporary sources indicate that the current tree is a Mulberry tree. During a recent tree trimming a piece of the tree was examined by several Purdue University foresters and they positively identified the tree as a Mulberry tree. ¹

The presence of these trees on our courthouse tower is just as much of a mystery to the citizens of Greensburg as to those who look upon them for the first time. No definite explanation as to how the seeds of the first trees found their way to their lofty germinating place has been found.

Regarding the matter of sustenance, most theorists believe that dust from the interior as well as dust and moisture from the outside does the trick. Jokesters have strained themselves severely over the matter of “no visible means of support.” When somebody suggested that the tree was fed by springs in the clock, a ban was placed on all tree jokes.

Want to visit my brain for a while? OK. Here goes.
The other day I was doing a show in a gym. I hated it. The people were nice and the kids were well behaved. But I personally hated it. There is no connection with an audience when I do a show with kids seated on both sides of a gym, the lights on, and the acoustics are bouncing all over the place. So I will admit that during the show I was anything but “in the moment.” My mind wanders. I think of stuff. Music, jokes, angelina jolie, bills, ya know…stuff. So in the middle of my show some kid gets up and is walking along the back wall of the gym. And I hear every footstep as she walks under the hoop, along the padded wall, and toward the door. I feel all attention go to her. My attention goes to her. And all I could think of is “I hope she doesn’t fall or trip ’cause I will definitely laugh out loud and so will the kids.” She makes it. Whew! But then the rest of the show that incident reminded me of an old youtube video clip that I saw a a while back. It was all I could think of. The one with this kid running across the gym floor and gettin nailed by a basketball. The video below was played in a loop every time I looked across the gym floor. enjoy. By the way if you find it hard to laugh at this video…just tell yourself the following “its ok to laugh at this video because…uhm… the kid was fine and he uhmm later went on to live a successful life, married a nice person, and uh…and is currently involved in trying to find a cure for cancer.

“Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. ~P.J. O’Rourke”

Since its masters weekend here are some golf pictures and a memory of my dad hitting the last shot he ever hit.
Summer of 2002. My brother and I are going golfing and decide to bring dad along.
He was sick and my brother and I took him out with us thinking the fresh air would do him good.
He had little strength at this point from a heart condition.
He said he wanted to hit a few shots and I was hesitant and very protective and said “Are you sure…maybe you should just hang in the cart and take it easy.”
My brother said “Bullshit, he should hit a couple.”
My dad said “I don’t know if I could swing that driver. I’ll just relax. You two go ahead.”
So my brother and I hit our drives and then went to hit our approach shots. We were probably about 150 yards from the green.
After we hit our shots, my dad, sitting in the cart, had this look in his eye and then with no hesitation
my 78 year old dad got out of the cart and grabbed the old 5 iron from my bag.
He said give me a ball. I tossed him one from pocket and he let it drop in front of him.
He stood back from the ball, sized up the shot, took two practice swings and then hit.
A perfect lofting shot that bounced on the green and stopped about 17 feet from the hole.
“Not bad for an old man.” He said.
My brother and I were cracking up. Holy shit. This guy hasn’t golfed in 5 years because of his health and he has not missed a step.
So we get up to the green. My brother and I hit our putts. I three putted. My brother two. My Dad has his 17 footer.
My brother says grab the camera. I then took the pictures you see below.
Dad walks up. Sizes it up.
Putts. A slow roller that breaks from right to left ….and then in.
Just like that.
Dad smiles big and says. “Thats it. I’m done.”
What a day. What a memory.

The other day, after my show during a Q & A I had an audience member ask me. “What is your motto or creed that you live by.”
I was a little taken back and stuttered a little because I find it hard to sum up all my beliefs in a phrase or quote.
I’m sure some expected a quote by Dylan, or George Harrison, or MLK, or John Keats. I then paused and said I got it.
“Play the ball as it lies.”
They looked puzzled and I said “thats what my dad used to say all the damn time.”
Ya know. Whatever life throws at you.
No matter where you end up.
No matter the predicament.
The right thing to do and the only thing we can do is accept our circumstances and just try to make something good out of it.
Dems da rules.
“Play the ball as it lies.”

-john

Today at sunset i flew over a lake
in the shape of a tooth
with an island in the middle
like a cavity

in my flight a stranger
on the ground yelled up
and asked me
what did i like best about the sun
the heat? or the light?

must i choose one i asked

yes. but not today

well, in that case i choose
the light

-johnmorello
4.8.08
southwest airlines from baltimore to hartford
5:45 pm

when i was younger and in school i used to love reading cartoon books and comics. i especially loved MAD magazine and the “far side.” to this day so many of those jokes and images are embedded in my mind and they come popping up all the time in daily life. i never say anything to people around me because…well they would lock me up if they knew how screwed up i am. and its hard to describe a picture joke too. its funny to think of all the stuff we hold in to hide ourselves from the all powerful and intimidating “THEM.” The other day on the plane I was reading mad magazine and laughing out loud until i embarrassed myself. i decided to read a serious magazine instead. i read my national geographic issue about animal intelligence and I was again laughing as I read about these chimps that fashion crude tools to dig bugs out of trees. suddenly I had this image of an old cartoon and i was cracking up again. I gained composure and then the same image hit me today. i was laughing in my car today as i was noticing the roadkill and the birds picking at it. don’t get me wrong, i’m an animal lover and all that but again those “far side” images from cartoonist gary larson are embedded deep. somewhere between all the dylan lyrics, freshman biology, and sega cheat codes there is a comic for every occasion. below is what came out of left field, probably from about 10 years ago, and made me crack up on the plane and then again today.

“secret tools of the common crow”

I am dirt and inside me
is a root of a tree
connected to the tree of knowledge running down to hell
itself
Inside my heart is a ticking time bomb
Inside my pocket is a note from my mom
Telling me I am loved
I am loved but I do not know it and I do not feel it,
I am made of the same dirt as you
I am dirt and you can’t dig me

So I am on the outside looking in
I am alone stuck in your skin.
I am a problem… I’m a maze of dead ends
I’m called selfish by my family and friends
I am called selfish because I want to feel good
Deep in my soul I just want to be good
I want for one moment just to be good
What do you do when you want to feel good?
You go to your friends
you go outside
You make love
you go for a ride
You take Prozac
you eat a big mac
Your kites flying high
mines held back
Because I am tethered to the root of the tree of knowledge

People like me have no voice
With the cards I been dealt I have no choice
All bets are off
all my moves have been made.
I took a hit from the dealer
when I should have stayed.
And the dealer has won
my parents told me I would fall
I saw it coming and still bet it all.
Now I don’t have a dime…and..I can’t keep
this rhyme

I am dirt and So I bury myself the only way I know how.
I love my family but they don’t know me
‘cause they can’t see inside me
Is a root of a tree of knowledge running down to hell itself.

Medicine can’t help me ‘cause my disease is addiction.
I bet I’d get help if cancer were my affliction.
But I am an addict so I get a ten day detox.
Trapped in my self with no keys for these locks.
If I was a rock star I bet I’d have health care.
Driving in LA with a bumper sticker that said DARE.
But I am dirt I am nothing so you just stare.
Here I am.
And I will stay this way because
to you I am useless,
so I have no job
so I have no money
so I am not a consumer
so I am not a citizen.
So I am not American
so I am alone in this nation invisible to all…
I have no gifts to give except. …All my shit in this bag… And when you aint got nothing
you got nothing to lose (bob dylan said that)
I’m just an obstacle in your way (I said that)
My curse has no power to ruin your good day.
I am the final digit in Pi
and that is why
You can’t look me in the eye

‘Cause you cannot throw money at me and make me go away.
Like throwin presents at your kiddies on Christmas day.
So good fuckin luck tryin to change ME!
Like you change the channel on your plasma TV
Like you change the oil in your SUV
Dude. I’m Like your girlfriends mind you can’t change me!

You want to give me a present?
you want to help me?
Give me an axe to cut down this tree!
….of knowledge
connected and safe
in the dirt
I am a drug addict
I am nothing
I am dirt…just like you

-writtenbyjohnmorelloawhileback