US to shoot down down satellite. 10 responses
This morning I read the following as the first paragraph in a Washington Times story.
“President Bush, acting on the advice of his national security advisers, has decided to attempt to shoot down a malfunctioning spy satellite that is expected to crash to Earth early next month”
Scary. Anyway, if I were still doing stand up, I would have 10 potential jokes for a set tonight.
Following are my 10 likely responses of prominent Americans.
10.The Pentagon: “Yeah! We get to blow stuff up!”
9. Hollywood: “Is Ben Affleck going to be involved in this? And if condoleeza is involved she will be played by morgan freeman”
8. The Media: “What is so important on that satellite that the government needs to destroy it.”
7. Bush: “We have reliable evidence that Osama Bin Laden is on that satellite.”
6. John McCain: “I was around when that thing went up. I voted for it after coming back from vietnam where, I don’t know know if you heard, I was a POW for 6 years.”
5. Mike Huckabee: “I am against firing a missile into the sky because it might hit Jesus. Or maybe nick the hem of his garment.
4. Hillary Clinton: “With the amount of money it costs to shoot this down…5 million kids could have attended head start programs. Not to mention that the debris might land on an unsuspecting senior citizen.”
3. Bill Clinton: “ I DID NOT LAUNCH THAT SATELLITE INTO ORBIT”
2. Barack Obama: “ Rather than blow the satellite up…We need to CHANGE the satellite. We need to change its fundamental direction and trajectory. I can nudge it. I can reason with it. You might say it can’t be done. I say YES I CAN”
1. ME: “Holy crap! Is anyone else scared that the minds behind the Iraq war and the hurricane Katrina response are now in charge of shooting MISSILES into the solar system. Ten bucks says we inadvertently hit some “unforeseen and unknowable” frickin space thingy that triggers an implosion of the universe. Let me repeat and put it country simple…George Bush and the pentagon are firing missiles into the universe like 6th graders with bottle rockets.”
